Being Enough

How to live a whole and satisfying life

A few days ago I published an update on my social media channels about cliques and those who are bounced out of it. It was widely accepted because of the insights it offered. But most importantly because the craze for acceptance that is becoming a menace in our space. And people felt it, right within their soul. Till tomorrow, despite different crusades against validation seeking, people are caught up in the web of this menace. This article is not about the problem, it's about the solution. How does one become enough?  

Becoming enough is a mindful and conscious state of accepting yourself and being in love with yourself. It's not a concept of isolation because no one can survive alone. Survival is largely mutual. All of God's creations are interconnected. Same for humans. Let me share a few points with you:

No one is Under the Obligation to Accept You

No one is obligated to accept you no matter how qualified you think you are. Qualification by proximity, intimacy, resources or talent. Association is not forced and should not be. It comes from the heart. People make that choice by themselves and should not be subject to analysis. People have their biases though, but analysing  it won't help you. You know a few of them. People choose based on how rich, privileged, beautiful, resourceful you are. Some look out for specific attributes like culture, religion and all. But no matter their choice, trust me it is not your problem. 

What gift do you have for the Universe?

Acting needy will make people take advantage of your desperation. Self satisfaction like confidence can be felt at first glance. People know it when they see it. It shows in your conduct, carriage, appearance and conversation. People naturally repel those who need a lump from what they have to complete themselves and show it.They love to give, but not when you communicate desperation. Being enough highlights what you have that can benefit you and the universe. And you must know it. It doesn't however mean that you are enough not to need others. No one is that enough. Even if you get the attention of others that you desperately hustled for, you get a beggarly brand of it. 

Build Your life for You 

If you build your life for you. It will be enough for everyone who comes in. If you build your life for people, that life will never satisfy you and you will keep needing attention from others to thrive. You will be at the mercy of a certain few who make it difficult for you to experience life for you. You will always see life through their biases and assumptions. Dependency is such a challenge with being enough. The life of a dependent has no thrill and fun of freedom. But most importantly, it has no joy and satisfaction. It feels differently when you live life on your terms. Last month, during the yuletide season, my wife and I welcomed a few visitors to our home. It was a beautiful experience. It was our first Christmas as couples. As we got calls from friends and families who wanted to come around, we anticipated what they would love to eat and have to make their stay worthwhile. We got gadgets and anticipated games. When these visitors left, we got back to our default. What we wanted to eat. The stations we love to watch and how little we want our TV to be on.. This is what most people do, they design a whole life without thinking of themselves but thinking of others and what they would think. Being whole requires you to think of yourself as you design your life. 

If you Need a Garden so Badly, Plant It

Sucking up to what you have the capacity to create but are not creating is laziness. Learn to build what you desire. If you need a garden so badly, plant it. You can bloom if you understand that you have what the world is looking for. And that's because you are human. You can choose. You can imagine and go for what lies within your power and charm. People are in constant battle and trips away from home (themselves) because they can’t build or don't know how to build. I have a friend who doesn't enjoy staying at home because, according to him, “home isn't fun” Home doesn't become beautiful or fun by default, people build it. They imagine what they want, they design and build. Knowing that you will be living the most of your time in this case requires that you put some effort into it. Read books, take care of your mind, groom your body, and attend to your health. And as soon as you begin to enjoy what you design, other people will start taking trips to you. They want to listen to you. They want to hang out with you and do business with you. No one visits a dilapidated tourist site. Except you are a humanitarian project, no one visits broken places. Fix yourself for yourself and you will not believe the beauty you will attract.    

Be Content 

No matter how beautiful your garden is, you will always see a more beautiful garden. And that is only a function of how far you go. The best response is appreciation, not envy, not hurt, not bitterness. You will meet a better speaker, a better caterer, a better writer, a better programmer, a curvier lady etc. The reaction this triggers in you is more important than what you don't have. Lack of contentment destroys gratitude and everything you’ve worked for. It will eat your health for lunch. You cannot keep modifying your life because of what you see. If that is the case, then no one will have a marriage, home, career, wardrobe or even kids! Lack of contentment destroys our joy. And if you are always on the move to get what others have, when will you have the time to build yours? Contentment is not apathy, it's not mediocrity, or resigning to fate. It is the appreciation of benevolence on your way to doing and getting better. It means accepting yourself. I have a question I ask myself when I am faced with the reality of a handicap. When the dark thought trolls me hard, reminding me of my shortcomings or the shortcomings of others, particularly the ones I didn't create or cannot erase. I ask the thought, “Thanks for the information but what do you want us to do about it? Run out of our body or abandon our shell?” Wholeness doesn't mean perfect, wholeness means unconditional acceptance. It helps to steady the process of becoming. No one who doesn't accept themselves becomes anything tangible, they often become chaos because that is the energy they engage with. We become what we accept not what we dream of. I hope this helps.  

I look forward to your questions and feedback. Have a blessed week and breakthrough from within. 

Abiola Iyiola,

Creative Director,

AI Leadership Consult