Beyond Networking

How to make the most of networking opportunities

Last Wednesday as soon as I entered my apartment from work, a set of events flashed through my mind and I took time to share them with my 200-plus WhatsApp audience. I analyzed my dissatisfaction with how most networking sessions are conducted. I wanted to add that I probably felt that way because I am a qualitative person, who loves to get the meat and depth out of my connections. The sessions are mostly hurried and people squeeze through seats and alleys to exchange numbers and share contacts. I must emphasize here that I love meeting people and I do almost every day, however there’s an image in my mind that best describes the hustle and bustle I have seen at networking sessions; a catfish farmer feeding fishes in a pond. There is one feeder and there are fishes who are hustling to be fed. Those networking sessions have very little time, it's usually the time between session, 10 or 15 minute break and everyone goes back to their seats. So ahead of these events, people cram their 30 seconds power pitches and download as soon as they meet this new prospect. Except in a strictly business environment, no one wants to be related to as a prospect, no-one wants to be grabbed as an opportunity. People want you to listen and relate to them as a human. You now see why you cannot convert most of the contact you got in the past?    

In that short time, there is a mindset battle. There is usually a guest speaker or sets of speakers who are sandwiched majorly for contact, and stuff. Some people stay on that queue more than the other and the queue gets longer. Some people look so prepared, they want to sign a deal on the spot (haha) Then other conference attendees try to poach the best dressed or seemingly successful people. And this is one of the challenges; the poaching mentality. 

If you are familiar with my content I have consistently talked about how I attended an event for young people in 2015. I was a panelist on that event and while it was time to have one of the guest speakers speak. He taught about the famous topic turned cliché “Your network is your net worth” which should be an harmless topic that emphasizes valuable connectivity. But the speaker veered off. He bragged about the numbers of influential folks he had and encouraged young people in attendance at that event to poach for contacts. That was the beginning of what you are reading if you are reading this in my newsletter (The breakthrough series) 

Back to my story. The flip side of this hurried poaching approach is that most of these contacts are useless in the long run. I have a few of these beautifully glazed business cards that are sitting tiredly on my dressing shelf .If you are an event planner, the take away from this piece is that you should be more thoughtful with designing your networking sessions and give more time for people to actually get into the business of knowing each other. If you are a thought leader, the cheese for you here is to emphasize value exchange as you present the subject of networking. We must never put the cart before the horse.

I must say that these events or any other events are great opportunities to meet people. I have met a few of the most amazing people in this type of event. I am not against networking. That is not what I want you to take out of this article. However if you operate from Nigeria as I currently do. People are super careful of their connections and they are extra careful when they attend events, their red-light is literally up. You have to be really quality for people to want to connect with you. This is a general thing. You don't have to be a Nigerian to understand this. People who have spent their whole life building quality stuff don't want to be poached by guys who honestly need a heads up, mentoring, funding or just normal following. Don't get emotional about this, they, like you, are looking for value. And if I have the opportunity to teach anyone anything, I would say, pay attention to building yourself. It's not difficult to introduce or identify those who are already shining as you think. I have people around me. Those who support me with clarity and insight when I need them. But it becomes a problem when you think that you are completely braceless and helpless without using crutches. You know what I mean. That is what I see at most events. “I am blank and completely out of shape, can you help me to figure things out while I don't lift a finger because you are the next best connection I have been waiting for” Now let me help you to kick that out if that is mildly part of your challenge. Every support system is also looking for support. Every mentor is looking for a mentor. You will simplify the role people will take in your life if you have clarity about what you want and how they can help and you bring value to the table. 

Let's talk about what I call the wrong space mentality. People have the wrong space mentality when it comes to relationships. It's the reason why people go to church, say nothing to their pew mates and attend events just to hustle for contacts. 

Let’s talk about how people don’t exchange numbers at salons and other informal places but think people in network events with suits and sleek ties are their destiny helpers. Same for social media platforms: people leave Facebook to go chase connections on LinkedIn. I understand that platforms are optimized for different goals. LinkedIn is for professionals and it serves us better to go there to connect.  But we have a space problem. People are ignorant about how relationships work. They  jump over opportunities to connect with people everywhere  just to go queue up at events. Because the people they meet at regular places don’t look or speak like their mental mock ups. Finally, the way you choose to connect with people is your prerogative, however whenever you decide to, put your soul, your feeling, patience and value into it. Even though people can take you on a journey, it's wrong to see them as a pass. Connect genuinely and don't poach them. I will love to read your comments and answer your questions via email if you have them. 

Have a lovely week and breakthrough from within

Abiola Iyiola

Creative Director,

AI Leadership Consult

www.aileadershipconsult.com