Breaking Out of Shadows

How I unburdened the weight of guilt

When I started putting myself out, I was young, inexperienced, and wet behind the ears. I was like a tiny newbie who rocked the space between the boots of giants. Oftentimes I was overwhelmed by the shadows, talents, and mastery of these great guys, writers, speakers, and coaches, most of whose lace I couldn't untie. But if you had followed me over time, you’d approve that I am not a wannabe who wants to waste people's time or beat his chest without having anything to offer. So I was right even when I started.

But then, I started experiencing some of the harshest resistance of my life. The punches were hard and I started denying myself. I denied my talents and gifts, I denied my experience. I shivered when I saw the stage and my knees knocked when the spotlight is on me. I felt like an imposter. The arrogant dude who came to take the place of another. An impersonator. A thief of identity and a capitalist who saw a beautiful moment and took advantage of it.

At this time, my craft as a writer and speaker was giving me some of the most beautiful accolades and recognition. People openly praised and shared my work. I started receiving cash gifts on and off this platform. “You have a beautiful mind that knows how to knit words, your writings are so creative and insight, this is what I need right now...” and so many I couldn't remember. But the more of this recognition I got, the angrier I was. “I am a thief, I am not worth it, the recognition is too pleasant to be true, I don't deserve to be so celebrated” I went on and on until an honest compliment started feeling like an attack and my special grace became normal.

And as an excuse to just go my way, and do my thing, I stopped putting myself out. I stayed underground and below the water where the current is steep and where I'm not ruffling any feather or stealing nobody’s recognition.

I was at peace but I was being destroyed. There was no conflict with anyone but I was tearing myself out like an angry bear. I bled and cried. And for the first time, I felt the weight of talent, the burden of gifts, and the seriousness of a calling. I will either listen to what others say about how inexperienced I was or simply do what I am called to do. I had no technology and I was not the Porsche-looking guy you always want to see in cheaply edited videos.

That was a few years ago.

Today, my experience impacts what I do as a creativity coach and the pain I feel when I see people who are better than I was, have better technology and skill but refused to put themselves out because of fear, assumed lack of resources and technology, or any other reason

On visibility, the assumption that people will beat the path to your doorstep just because you are good is HIGHLY flawed. If you have a voice, speak, if you have a product, show it, if you have a skill use it.

For “no one lights a candle and puts it under a bushel...”

Kindly share your view with me about this piece, I’d love to read from you. Have a blessed week and breakthrough from within.

Abiola Iyiola

Creative Director,

AI Leadership Consult