There are blessings that come with fatherhood, husbandhood, parenthood, mentorship, prophethood, and every other form of leadership but those blessings are not activated simply because someone assumes the title.
Positions don’t work because you see yourself in them. They work because someone else acknowledges and accepts you in that role.
Nobody can look at me today and say, “I’m your father,” if I have not accepted them as such. Yes, there may be biological ties, age differences, or cultural expectations but acknowledgment is what activates legitimacy.
This is one of my radical convictions:
Biology doesn’t confer fatherhood. Age doesn’t confer mentorship. Titles don’t confer leadership. Marriage certificates don’t automatically confer husbandhood.
These roles are not grabbed like political power. They are received by acknowledgement.
A person may be your spouse by law, but husbandhood or wifehood is validated by acceptance, not by the priest who pronounced you joined.
The Grabbing Culture
I see too many people grabbing identities that no one gave them.
You counsel someone twice and suddenly you announce them as your “son” or “daughter in the faith.”
Please relax.
They may respect you as their boss or superior but that doesn’t mean they have accepted you as their leader.
Stay in your lane. Don’t cross boundaries born from your imagination.
Never make demands beyond your relevance.
Never mark up your importance beyond the value people place on you.
Some of the people you insist are your “friends” don’t even consider you acquaintances. You’ve created a relationship in your head, and heartbreak is standing at your door knocking gently.
Know your place.
A Personal Experience
Some years ago, a friend of ours was getting married. As good friends, we kept asking him for updates roles to play, ways to support, anything.
We got little to nothing, but we still rallied around him.
We bought fabric, sewed elegant agbada, traveled a long distance, and endured hours of merciless gridlock with our wide foreheads shining in the sun.
We finally arrived at the reception and from the entrance, we saw the real friends.
They wore the official uniform. They took their positions. They moved around like the inner circle.
That day we understood clearly:
We were not friends. We were guests.
Don’t call yourself “friend” when you are simply a guest in someone’s life.
Whatever position, honor, or recognition someone gives you, don’t say you deserve more.
The pot is not in your hand.
Whatever the server scoops for you is a revelation of what you’re worth to them.
Take it or leave it but don’t argue.
The Scriptural Principle
Malachi 1:6 makes it plain. God says, “If I am your Father, where is My honor?”
In other words:
“Talk is cheap. Honor is what validates the relationship.”
Honor confirms the flow of virtue and blessings.
Honor is the test of every claim we make with our mouths.
The Litmus Test
So yes, you may believe you are mentoring, parenting, fathering, husbanding, or coaching someone.
But does that person feel the same way about you?
You will know by the honor they give you or the absence of it.
If honor is missing, then sir you are dancing alone.
I hope this helps?
Have a great week and breakthrough from within
©Abiola Iyiola, 2025
I remember my father once referred to my 100-level roommate as my friend, and I told him, "No, they are two different things" . He couldn't fathom why I said that.
Reading this jogged my memory of the moment this boy subtly showed me that although we ate, joked, and gossiped together, we weren't truly friends.
The day my suspicion became concrete was when I checked through his phone. He had given it to me to copy out my pictures. While going through it, I saw a picture we took together with a friend a few weeks into resumption as a fresher. The picture that originally had 3 people in it now had two people. I had been cropped out. And the original picture deleted.
Wait! The three of us had known each other before. Eaten together, played and attended places together before we even got admitted to the same university.
From that day on, I knew not to be quick to call people my friend, when in fact I am not. Which ties neatly into what you've shared.
Lastly, proximity isn't connection. Associate isn't affection and activity isn't intimacy.