Take your eyes off what’s not working, focus on what’s working. We sink every time we focus on what’s broken, what left, what disappointed us, what we had, what was weak, what was taken away from us, what is not enough, what is deficient, what is negative etc
But the truth is,
what stopped working, what broke, what didn’t work out as planned are not as powerful, important, and promising than what we have left.
I understand how painful the lost opportunity is. You couldn’t eat for days, you cried your heart out, buried your head in shame and cussed the situation. I’m so sorry about it. But what remains is enough to compensate for what was lost.
Out of everything that broke, some things remain. If we fix our gaze too much on what was broken we will not see what is working.
Negativity is invasive. It eats up potential and destroys the opportunity to make the most of what’s left. It leaches the energy and drains motivation. It dampens the spirit, weakens the bones, deactivates our energy and knocks us out of form.
You can’t fix what broke irreparably. You can’t replenish the milk that left the cup but you can refill your cup. Your ex is with another human, they filled the last position you applied for, your dad has gone to his rest like mine did, you were turned down with the last proposal you submitted, you submitted an application and it bounced.
Do not be consumed by the chaos that broke your heart. By the affection that’s become a memory.
Do not only move on but move on to what is working. A lot of people moved on to nothing, they moved on to crying, they moved on to blaming themselves and others, to hurt and bitterness. Move to activating the opportunities that exist.
If you can’t do that project you can do other projects. If you can’t be in that company now, you can be in a better company. There are a universe of opportunities in front of you but you must open your eyes and jerk yourself back into consciousness.
An African proverb from the Yoruba speaking people of Southwest Nigeria says:
No one eats yam with a lost knife.
What is lost is lost. You cannot bring it back by missing it, or wishing it wasn’t lost.
If you’ve lost the plant, do not nurture the roots. If you’re done with a phase, don’t nurture the memory. Don’t keep the key of the apartment you were sent away from. Do not fantasize with the memory of what broke you.
Possibilities are nurtured with attention, and potentials are grown with engagement. Focus on what can work, what could be nurtured and what is already working.
Trust me, crying at a road close is not worth it. It’s not a good use of time that we don’t have in excess and the life we don’t have forever.
Imagine that life was a bus station. If you get to the bus station one morning and the current bus is filled up and other buses are queuing up to take passengers to get to the same location, do you insist on following the filled bus or you wait for another?
You have many options. More options than you can ever think of. If you ever get anywhere and your brain reads the situation as STRANDED. That’s a very dangerous thing. Mentally stranded people are blinded. They are fixated on what cannot be fixed. They cry by the grave till they join the deceased.
Samson, an Israelite judge who lived in the pre-monarchial period around the 12/11th century understood this. Almost everything had stopped working for him. He had lost his power, his pride, his eyes, his strength, his locks, everything to the Philistines! But he didn’t lose sight of what could work. He was aware of what he had lost but he didn’t lose sight of what remained. While he was in the theatre of shame, he asked a servant to put his hand to the column that held the building that hosted the Philistines, and for what looked like the last time, he made a final request to God to die with his enemies. He lost everything but he didn’t lose access to God who would hear him as long as his locks had some length.
When your horse dies, don’t flog it. Flogging does not raise the dead, it’s only meant for the living.
Have a great week and breakthrough from within.
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Book a 1-hour intensive clarity session where I structure your gifts, talents, experiences, and skills and turn them into clear product and income ideas by sending an email to iyiolaabiola@gmail.com.
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©Abiola Iyiola, 2026
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If you are done with a phase, do not nurture the memory. Thank you coach for this beautiful piece.
"Whatever that has been lost is not as important as what we have left."
Reminds me of how impossible everything seemed after I lost my dad to, the unending questions with no answers, the wishful thinking, all of those were not going to bring him back. I had to snap out of it.
Thank you so much Coach for this.